Friday, April 29, 2016

Battling Codependency

Battling Codependency was originally published on Providence Women's recovery non-profit rehab

Fighting For Your Identity

[thrive_drop_caps color='blue' style='1']F[/thrive_drop_caps]or those who've struggled with addiction in their own life or in that of a loved one, they've witnessed the confusing and sometimes twisted family dynamics that develop. In the name of loving and caring is an underbelly or codependence, manipulation, and enabling that having run its course, produces nothing but pain and resentment... and maybe the worst, "what ifs." 1200x628 In the book entitled, Beautiful Boy, author David Sheff speaks from the heart about the torture of living through "addiction hell" helping his son find recovery.
That book had struck a painful nerve in me, especially the twisted co-dependency that complicated an already complicated picture. Imagine: you’ve just had a stroke, and the one thought coursing through your mind is “How is my child? How is my child? How is my child?” That warped sense of priorities seems all too familiar to parents of addicts who often assume second position behind the incessant demands of their child’s substance chemical dependency.  More Here...  

Development of a Codependent

Understanding how codependency becomes a part of someone's personality is highly related to patterns seen in their early development. Self-esteem blogger Savannah Grey explains well in her article Kicking Codependency to The Curb: As children codependents were powerless to change any of their circumstances. They had to sit idly by, unable to do anything significant to change their reality. Now as adults and faced with the same type of abuse the codependent will create elaborate plans to help and change their abuser. Their partner’s healing, changing, and morphing into their perfect prince or princess becomes their sole focus. This feels so natural to the codependent and so they wrap up all their hopes and dreams into another, only to become disappointed again and again, as an abuser’s natural tendency is to exploit and frustrate. Read More... --

Video About What It's Like to Be in Codependency

The speaker in this video is Darlene Lancer is a lawyer and author who struggled with a codependent mother. Her book "Codependency for Dummies" and "Conquering Shame and Codependency," are both well received and easy to understand. She defines a person struggling with this as someone with a loss self, and can't function within their innate self, and instead lives reactionary to another person, a substance, or a process.
If you can relate with the speaker or any other information on this page, here are some helpful tips to beating codependency, but as always it is not a bad idea to speak to a counselor or church leader to seek more personal advice or professional help.
  1. You get what you tolerate. As mentioned in a previous article (Malignant Niceness) codependents are the nicest people in the world. They are too nice. They will give a person so much rope that they end up hanging themselves with it. Growing up in horrific abuse and neglect we had no choice but to tolerate huge amounts of pain. We don’t have to do it now. I tell my students a quick way to judge if a relationship is worth keeping is after your time visiting is over ask yourself the question, “Did this person give me life or did they take it away?” Do I feel refreshed, built up, nurtured? Did we have fun? Even if I learned something negative about my character or behavior was the truth said in love? On the other hand, have I walked away frustrated, misunderstood, angry, drained? That is a good sign that a continued relationship is not life enhancing, and you need to walk or run away right now.
  2. You don’t reward bad behavior. Using, abusing people are master manipulators. They lie. They can pour on the drama thick as molasses. If you don’t come back to them they will kill themselves. If you don’t give them money then DP&L is going to come and turn off the heat, and their baby will die. If you don’t cheer them up they will never stop being depressed. I am not talking here about charity. We need to help the unfortunate with our time, love, and resources. This is a different group. These are people who will keep coming back to the well, your well, until you have nothing left to give. Then they will move on to the next person. I find this one the hardest of the three for codependents to do because they are so compassionate, don’t want to see anyone suffer, and have been groomed to be professional rescuers since day 1 on earth.
  3. You deserve good treatment. Codependents know how to give. They have given to everyone, all the time, for years. Sadly they don’t know how to receive because no one has given them much. It isn’t even on their radar that they should expect to be treated with dignity, respect, and care. You are a valuable human being. God doesn’t make junk. Don’t let anyone treat you as anything less than someone worthy of kindness. Read More About these Tips Here...
  Related Articles: Biblical Answers for Codependency Without Codependency Recovery Our Past Continues to Control Us Understanding Codependency, Updated and Expanded: The Science Behind It and How to Break the Cycle

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Pillars of Spiritual Healing: The Power of God and Addictions Part 2

Pillars of Spiritual Healing: The Power of God and Addictions Part 2 Take in more on: Providence Women's Recovery Service Blog

You need to enter the realm of spiritual war, because unless you fight spiritually, you cannot win. Pillars-of-Spiritual-Healing-2 [one_half_first]You need to recall the introductory circle.  Think about the pollution.[/one_half_first][one_half_last]inside-circle[/one_half_last] At first, you did not know the pollution came from Satan. [thrive_text_block color="orange" headline="This is Bible Spiritual History"] God wrote the Bible to remove the veil of ignorance from your eyes. It is the book of instructions for life. Second, God did not give the indictment of shame. Adam replied, “I was afraid ,because I was naked…I hid.” God never said, “shame on you Adam…look at you naked and all.” Adam imposed the shame on himself. Third, and most important, God in His love knew his most precious creation, created above the angels was in trouble. Lovingly he provided the most absolute and perfect solution. Indeed, in Genesis 3:15 God addresses the snake. God let the snake know He will put enmity between the snake and the woman. In this God is speaking of the coming Messiah, Christ, the Savior of the World. [/thrive_text_block]

Back to Balance - Providence Women's Recovery

It is important that you grasp the significance of this provision. A man needs a way back to the balance provided in the Garden before the spiritual and catastrophic actions of Satan. God provided one way to restore this balance. He gave mankind the Lord Jesus. Recall the feelings of shame, resentment, anxiety, and anguish we spoke of at the beginning. There is no human way possible to remove them from your being. You do not have the power. No doctor has the power. No minister has the power. No one in the human realm has the power. This is so, because the creator of the havoc is Satan, the most powerful angelic creature created by God. Only Christ has the power to remove the negative emotions from our beings. He is the only one capable of defeating Satan in your behalf. He is all Power. However, there are conditions one must fulfill.
  1. First you must surrender to Christ.
  2. Second, you must follow the most important command given to us in Matthew 22:37, “Love The Lord your God with all soul and all of your mind.
To surrender is an oath to the King willing to die for you. The oath has the power to remove the negative emotions placed upon your life by a potent adversary. The second, the command to love God fully restores your life to the Kingdom of Heaven in perfect harmony with a God, rebuilding the Trust in Him, freeing you from the shame and other negative emotions in your life. [thrive_custom_box title="Get back to the circle. Pray to receive the King." style="dark" type="image" image="" full_height=0]girls-in-circle [/thrive_custom_box] Love the Lord as commanded. Worship Him for your deliverance. Let His love submerge you in His Grace. Appropriate His Love and accept the liberation from the negative feelings. Breathe and look around your circle. Though there is still some pollution left, it has lessened. This is a victory to your name, a supreme gift from God. Do not sit still. Inhale goodness, open up your Bible and not just read, but also study the Word of God. Get ready to re-shape your feelings towards yourself, under the power of His grace. You must learn to love yourself. Until next week, I am leaving you with a gift. These are just simple verses. Memorize them and keep them in your mind and soul. Whenever you sense the enemy is near, recite them. The enemy will flee as soon as you speak the wisdom of God. [thrive_highlight highlight='default' text='light'] Your Task: Memorize [/thrive_highlight] [thrive_text_block color="orange" headline="Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.  Acts 3:19"] “Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” Isaiah 1:18 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace. Ephesians 1:7 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] the old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17 [/thrive_text_block]  Serving Christ and others, Candelaria at

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Pillars of Spiritual Healing: The Power of God and Addictions

I would like for you to imagine that you are in the center of a circle...
The circle is composed of your feelings towards God; your feelings towards yourself; your feelings towards friends and relatives.

Now, remember that since you are nurturing an addiction, to which you are seeking healing, there is a lot of pollution inside the circle.
Mistakes, sins, lack of wisdom leading to issues in which one might question the integrity and response from God. The bad experiences in one’s life can be conducive to question God’s goodness, bringing our beings into conflict.

These bad experiences might create feelings of shame, resentment, anxiety, and anguish, especially when dealing with an addiction. Within your being, two events are happening at once. The emotional balance God structured for your soul and heart is tainted. And the mental and physical balance the body needed to function well lacks a healthy equilibrium.
These events have spiritual origins:

In the Garden of Eden, God created the most perfect environment in which man could live and thrive. More so, God provided the gift of life wrapped in wholesome, good, healthy, and loving features (Genesis 1).
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This came to an abrupt change due to the jealousy of Satan to God’s creation, mankind. Satan planned the attack and crafted doubt in the mind of man from the beginning of Creation.
Indeed, in Genesis 3: 1-5
We read Satan planted a spiritual poison with a question mounted in distrust, “Did God really say?” As if Satan has not done enough, he continues with the cementing of doubt in the mind and heart of men. Genesis 3:4 to 5 explains the serpent used vocabulary that increases the distrust for God, “You would not certainly die…you would be like God…knowing from good and evil.”
In the realm of the spirit, these actions lead men to doubt God’s premises of goodness and life giving directives. It is from that abrupt change to which you and many others question God’s responses to us when things go terribly wrong.

Afraid and in shame Adam hid.   

In simple words, doubting God removes the dependence from God and places the dependence in the object of the addiction.
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The doubt is spiritual in nature and births confusion and negative emotions. The doubt is spiritual in nature and births confusion and negative emotions. This is the reason why you need to see this dislocation of dependence with the eyes of the spirit and not necessarily with the eyes of the flesh.
In fact, it is in the book of Genesis in which we find the first men and women demonstrating this shame and other negative emotions. When God asks why were Adam and Eve hiding (Gen. 3: 8), Adam responded, “I was afraid because I was naked…I hid” (Gen. 3:10). I hid indicates shame. Satan’s action, to which Adam acted on, created a deep barrier between God and his creation.

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Shame is as a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. The first man whose connection to God was pure now was marred in Adam removing himself from the divine worth provided to him by God. For the first time, shame enters the conversation between God and man.
In this Adam felt inadequate and inferior in front of God.
The most important battle then becomes if I am separated from God as a result of a cosmic battle, which began at the moment of Creation, by a powerful and deceiving enemy and the disobedience of the first human being...

What can I possibly do to ensure success in my recovery from an addiction?

***Part 2 To Be Publishe 3-12-16***

Monday, February 29, 2016

CARA – Stop Tolerating The Addiction Crisis – We Can do More

The post CARA – Stop Tolerating The Addiction Crisis – We Can do More Enjoy more on: Providence Women's Recovery

If you care deeply about addiction, recovery, and helping curtail the tragic overdose deaths of 140 Americans a day, then today is a very important day for you because today is “National Call in Day” in support of CARA.

So what exactly is the Comprehensive Addiction and Recovery Act (CARA) and how will it help?

white house seal In a White House press release from February 13, 2015, they propose that CARA is much larger than its individual pieces. They believe that this bill is the “realization of a movement”. The bill will:
  • Expand prevention and educational efforts—particularly aimed at teens, parents and other caretakers, and aging populations—to prevent the abuse of opioids and heroin and to promote treatment and recovery.
  • Expand the availability of naloxone to law enforcement agencies and other first responders to help in the reversal of overdoses to save lives.
  • Expand resources to identify and treat incarcerated individuals suffering from addiction disorders promptly by collaborating with criminal justice stakeholders and by providing evidence-based treatment.
  • Expand disposal sites for unwanted prescription medications to keep them out of the hands of our children and adolescents.
  • Launch an evidence-based opioid and heroin treatment and interventions program. While we have medications that can help treat addiction, there is a critical need to get the training and resources necessary to expand treatment best practices throughout the country.
  • Strengthen prescription drug monitoring programs to help states monitor and track prescription drug diversion and to help at-risk individuals access services.
  • The legislation is supported by the National District Attorneys Association, the National Association of State Alcohol and Drug Abuse Directors (NASADAD), Faces and Voices of Recovery, the National Council for Behavioral Health, and the Major County Sheriffs' Association, among others. Read more...

How You Can Voice Your Approval of this Powerful Legislation

winning-war-on-addiction The answer to that is very simple. You simply need to contact your State senator and inform them of your knowledge and support of the bill. You also want to mention that you are requesting that your senator vote in favor of this important legislation., a website dedicated to reducing substance abuse among adolescents, has created the following scripts that you can use when contacting your senator. Send or relay this message via form fill or phone call.
Script 1: CARA provides important tools to law enforcement in the fight against heroin and opiate addiction. It would provide opportunities for programs other than incarceration for individuals convicted of drug use, provide training for and increase availability of naloxone, a life-saving overdose combating drug, and would expand the federal drug take-back program. These are crucial steps to controlling this epidemic and would benefit every state in the nation, including [STATE]. Please have Senator/Representative XXXX vote for this important legislation.” Script 2: CARA provides important tools for treatment and recovery in the fight against heroin and opiate addiction. It would provide funds for an evidence-based opioid and heroin treatment and intervention demonstration, authorize the creation of a national youth recovery initiative, and provide funds to non-profits in order to create communities of recovery. These are crucial steps to controlling this epidemic and would benefit every state in the nation, including [STATE]. Please have Senator/Representative XXXX vote for this important legislation. For more CARA related information, visit

Contacting Your State Senator

usa senate badgeThe easiest fastest way to contact your senator is to email or call them. We have included the following resource so that you may quickly find and contact your State Senator. For our readers located near us, we have included Georgia and Tennessee contact information: Isakson, Johnny - (R - GA) Class III 131 Russell Senate Office Building Washington DC 20510 (202) 224-3643 Contact: Perdue, David - (R - GA) Class II 383 Russell Senate Office Building Washington DC 20510 (202) 224-3521 Contact: Alexander, Lamar - (R - TN) Class II 455 Dirksen Senate Office Building Washington DC 20510 (202) 224-4944 Form Contact: Corker, Bob - (R - TN) Class I 425 Dirksen Senate Office Building Washington DC 20510 (202) 224-3344 Contact: Need to find the State Senators from another state? Please use the following link to access the rest of the Senators.  
In Summary
CARA is a great indicator of the changing climate regarding the perception of addiction, treatment, and post drug-related incarceration opportunities. It stands as proof that the war against drugs (as previously defined) has failed, and that the real war is against addiction. A war against addiction however, is full of hope rather then condemnation. Love rather then disdain. Agree to disagree? Leave a comment and voice your opinion. Related articles: Why Is The Comprehensive Addiction & Recovery Act So Important? Ask Your Senator or Representative to Support the Comprehensive Addiction and Recovery Act (CARA) of 2015

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Powerful New Opiate Documentary Sponsored by FBI

Powerful New Opiate Documentary Sponsored by FBI is available on

Heroin Verses Prescription Opiates Perception Disparity

There is a perception disparity concerning prescription drugs verses heroin. Somehow, young people have been conditioned to believe that prescription drug addiction is not as bad as heroin, and the cost has been the worst opioid crisis in our history with as many as 44 overdose deaths a day in the U.S. In the new FBI sponsored documentary film “Chasing the Dragon”, former addicts speak about their decent into addiction. They explain how their dependence began innocuously as a treatment to physical pain, or as a party favor in the form of a couple pills. Also, that the person who originally gave them the drug was usually a friend or relative.

So is Heroin Worst?

What makes Heroin more dangerous is the cutting agents and lack of consistency from one batch to the next. Drug dealers are in a position of power, and because of that there is an unwarranted trust the addict places in them to produce and serve a “safe” product. There can hardly be a worst placement of trust, obviously, then a street dealers concern for the health of their customers. What often happens when a person starts their opiate addiction by abusing pills is that they eventually find themselves using heroin in order to save money.  To say that it is worst is true a sense, but they are both equally vile in their ability to turn decent and honest young people into heart-broken shadows of their former selves.  Please leave your comments below or on Facebook. Related Articles: Video Post: Heroin The Hardest Drug Documentary 2015 Article Post: Overhauling Opioids, the Leading Cause of Injury Death in the U.S. Article Post: Should Heroin Dealers be Charged When Their Customers Die?

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Are We Fighting the “War on Drugs” with the Wrong Ammunition?

Are We Fighting the “War on Drugs” with the Wrong Ammunition? is available on Providence Women's Recovery

Should Addicts be Sent to Jail or Rehab?

Drug addiction is no longer a "inner city" issue. Addicts are now at your back door. They live in nice homes and hold reputable jobs. Anyone can succumb to the disease of addiction. Addiction does not discriminate. Just imagine that addict is your mother or your son. Would you want them to be treated like a criminal when they are suffering from a disease? Leonard Campanello, the police chief of Gloucester, Mass. may have a different idea. 
Leonard Campanello, the police chief of Gloucester, Mass., took the microphone here in mid-December and opened with his usual warm-up line: I’m from Gloucester, he said in his heavy Boston accent. “That’s spelled ‘G-l-o-s-t-a-h.’” A casually profane man with a philosophical bent, Chief Campanello, 48, first drew national attention last spring when he wrote on Facebook that the old war on drugs was lost and over. Convinced that addiction is a disease, not a crime or moral failing, he became the unusual law enforcement officer offering heroin users an alternative to prison. “Any addict who walks into the police station with the remainder of their drug equipment (needles, etc.) or drugs and asks for help will NOT be charged,” he wrote. “Instead we will walk them through the system toward detox and recovery” and send them for treatment “on the spot.” Continue reading more here...

So Just How Effective has Chief Campanello's Methods Been

As of August 14, 109 addicts had turned themselves in seeking help. About 70% are men, and about 16% are from Massachusetts. The police department has shelled out about $5,000 to place all of the individuals in drug treatment. Read more...
It's only logical that once the clear line has been drawn establishing addiction to be a disease, then the obvious next step is treatment. Usually however, people who have no money for care only get help once they're in legal trouble. The subconscious parallel becomes that treatment is a consequence. We applaud Chief Campanello for doing the right thing, and allowing people to get addiction care with out having to first be arrested. Addicts are people in the grips of the disease called addiction, and his approach is a great example of the types of changes that need to occur to continue evolving in the war against addiction. Big Think, a Youtube Channel that addresses tough issues such as this, posted the following video which will help you understand the historical reasons for prison, verses the actual application and resulting social economic impact. Read More: Related Addiction Article

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Understanding Addicts

Addiction Misunderstood

Drug addiction may be one of the most misunderstood diseases.  It is more often characterized as a moral defect then anything else.  There seems to even be a kind of subculture of people who want to seem politically correct, but given anonymity will often express that underneath it all, they feel it is a choice to use drugs. There in lies the question.  In  the article titled How the World See's an Addict, Sharron Palmer says:

The heroin-related death of Philip Seymour Hoffman, and the subsequent social media and blog comments outpouring has opened my eyes to the way people really view addiction. It is—more often than not—entirely misunderstood. Some fortunate people never have to live through the experience of being an addict. Some people never have to know what it feels like to love an addict, though I’d guess those numbers are small, because we are everywhere.  
We are your children, your spouses, your friends, the people who serve you dinner at your favorite restaurant, your doctor, your neighbor, the actors in your favorite films, the musicians who perform your favorite songs, and so on. Some of us are quite obvious, and others are well-hidden, suffering the ugly effects of this disease alone on their bathroom floor, shaking violently, soaked in tears, and overflowing with shame.  Read more here...

I Don't Want to Use Anymore

When you speak to a person who is truly fighting their addiction, you realize that they really and truly do not want to use drugs. They just can't stop.  There is a no more powerful way to express this sentiment then from the personal words of a person in this predicament.

Martha, a graduate of Providence Women's Recovery, when speaking about being in addiction states that:
My addiction had completely taken over my life. I ended up in a homeless shelter with absolutely nothing. No contact with my family, no contact with my kids. To say that I was at rock bottom is stating a fact that I didn’t think I would ever end up there. When I was at my lowest, when I was sitting in that homeless shelter, I felt like there was no hope left. That I was just going to fade away to nothing.  Read More of Martha's Story...  

Watch Martha's Testimonial

The final thought in this short article is this: Don't judge anyone.  It's that simple.  No one can understand what it's been like in another person's life.  Even if you have a similar circumstance, we all exist in the paradigm of our own experience.

Related Article: Addiction Articles